The depressive grip of loneliness is once again pretty hard. Even though I *have* some pretty good friends, but at times it's not enough to outweight the feeling of abandonment I get from people and the society in general.
And it's always so paralyzing, I can't get myself to do anything, I'm even almost unable to talk with my friends about anything, because I'm stuck with this feeling of loneliness. And when I talk, I turn out to be overly salty, just making things worse.
Nothing in this pattern is new. This is what my life has been for at least three decades already. There are brighter times, but it always regresses back to this darkness.
And I don't believe it will ever be anything else than this, repeating itself. I'm autistic, I know very well from experience that generally I can't talk to most people and most people just don't want to talk with me. For me there'll never be a community, because no community wants to have me.
@Stoori I feel you so much on this
@Stoori But what about a community of autistic people? Doesn't it exist?
@SeventhMagpie Most of my friends are autistic, but they're far and few, not enough to really have a feeling of community, and certainly not enough to outweight all the bad stuff from everywhere else.
I've had some autistic communities, but they're so small, always at the edge of dispersing if one active person leaves, and that's how they always end.
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